Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Senator John Kerry announced today that he will not attempt a campaign for president in 2008. The Massachusetts senator made a public statement that he felt his time would be better spent in the senate, working towards a resolution to the Iraq problem, and heading the new senate committee on his own impending irrelevance.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelbon invented a new pitch: a combination cutter and slider that he calls a slutter. The pitch is also known as "The Paris Hilton."

The New York Yankees swept the Boston Red Sox five games out of five this week. As a kid who grew up in Boston I feel sorrow for my fellow Bostonians. As a guy living in New York right now I'll keep my fucking mouth shut.

Extracted from US news papers:
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Sherri Lynn Rossi was hit in the head more than 20 times with a blunt object and left covered in
blood and in a coma on the side of a road, according to doctors in Pittsburgh in June. When she came
out of the coma, she identified her attacker as her husband, Richard A. Rossi Jr., pastor of the
local, independent, charismatic First Love Church. Richard Rossi denied the charge, insisting that
the hijacker must have been a man who looked like him and had a car like his, and that it was "very
possible, oh, yes" that his wife's attacker was Satan in human form. In October, Sherri Lynn Rossi
abruptly withdrew her accusation, and concurred that her attacker might have been a demon in human
form.
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New York city police arrested the city's most notorious traffic scofflaw, Leroy Linen, 41, in
November. He had inadvertently given them his real name more...

In the Florida Republican Primary G.O.P. front runners John McCain and Mitt Romney called each other liberals. They then got hi and made love in the tall grass.

Mitt Romney was quoted as saying, "The man who wins this race won't necessarily be the person who invested the most money in this, it'll be the person who is the most respected." He then paused for 5 seconds and said, "S**t."

Alabama: At Least We Aren't Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong
Arizona: Really, It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Just Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: Without Atlanta We're Alabama
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well OK, We're Not - But the Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: Two Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People, Nine Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We more...