Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Airport screeners are now prohibiting gel bras from airplanes. Do they confiscate them at security?
how long until some guy will figure out he can pass the time at the airport by tipping off security that the most attractive woman in line is wearing a gel bra?
airport; security; boston; bra

A study on how emotions cloud memories found that Red Sox fans have fuzzy memories about the historic 2004 ALCS victory over the Yankees.
You mean my cherished memory of George Steinbrenner dressed in drag, wearing a pink Red Sox cap, curled in a fetal position behind the pitcher's mound, chanting "UNCLE!" over and over again didn't really happen?

I am so mad at John Kerry right now I can hardly see straight. With one badly told, overly-complicated, incredibly lame joke he has single-handedly turned our nation's finest hour into a complete and utter disaster.
From the original virtuous motives for going to war, to the meticulous collection of first-rate intelligence, to the ingenious planning and flawless execution of both the combat and exit strategies, to the humble, honest assessments of the advancements and setbacks, Operation Enduring Freedom has proven to be the most brilliant political and economic undertaking the United States has ever, or will ever, attempt. Our nation had never been richer, and terrorism on a global scale had been reduced to a trickle. We had truly won.
Then Senator John Kerry opens his mouth and ruins everything. Suddenly, we're facing over $8 trillion in national debt, a government that labels dissent "un-American" and almost 3,000 US casualties in Iraq. Not to mention a world that more...

ALABAMA: Hell, yes, we have electricity!

ALASKA: 11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong!

ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat!

ARKANSAS: Literacy ain't everything!

CALIFORNIA: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda!

COLORADO: If you don't ski, don't bother!

CONNECTICUT: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedys don't own it yet!

DELAWARE: We really do like the chemicals in our water!

FLORIDA: Home of the headless drivers!

GEORGIA: We put the "fun" in fundamentalist extremism!

HAWAII: Haka tiki mou sha'ami leeki Toru. (Death to mainland scum, leave your money.)

IDAHO: More than just potatoes. .. well, okay, we're not, but the potatoes sure are real good!

ILLINOIS: Please don't pronounce the "S"!

INDIANA: Two billion years tidal wave free!

IOWA: We do amazing things with corn!

KANSAS: First of the rectangle more...

Second daughter Mary Cheney has written a memoir called "Now It's My Turn." In it, she calls John Kerry a "sleazeball" and Jenna Bush "do-able."

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. started to explain the length of the flight and the passportinformation when she interrupted me with "Im not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.

A Boston bar is now serving a novelty A-Roid cocktail. The drink is overpriced and best before October.