Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's more...
My friend, DeWitt, happily told me that presidential candidate Mitt Romney was a Mormon and that they believe in multiple wives. Wow! Yeah, there is nothing that I would rather hear than, "Not tonight, we have a headache; we need you to go to the store and get some pads--a lot of them; we need some more romance; we need to talk--all of us."
I mean, I could probably get away with one murder, but several is pushing it.
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11, 623 Eskimos Can`t Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It`s A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain`t Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don`t Ski, Don`t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy`s Don`t Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha`ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We`re Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don`t Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle more...
US Senator Edward M. Kennedy plans today in Washington to tout Massachusetts' push for longer school days as a national model, saying students need additional time to master 21st- century skills in a new global economy. The most important skill is learning how to hire people to take your tests without getting caught.
The Boston Red Sox agreed to a $5 million contract with Tim Wakefield. The contract spans two years, or one pitch from Tim Wakefield.
...massachusetts is considering an assisted suicide bill...under this bill, you go out drinking at a bar and ted kennedy gives you a ride home.
PICK THE RIGHT BANK You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.
STUDY YOUR HISTORY Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.
SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.
DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit....and in East Hartford, Connecticut, more...