Maude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.With a low voice he sad to his wife,"Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones.""Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude.""But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in their social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening.
They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town, and despite his age, Claude was still a charmer. Afterward Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the after glow of the
magic moment they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose