Michael Jokes / Recent Jokes
Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger are in an airplane. There are lots of kids on the plane with them.
Suddenly an engine catches fire. The plane is going to crash. Realising this, Arnie and Michael grab the only two parachutes on the plane.
"What about the kids?" asks Michael
"F**k the kids" Arnie replies
Michael thinks for a moment and says
"Do you think we have time?"
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
14. When you get a bad more...
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks:
"Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking outof the delivery room after his wife gives birthto their son. Michael says, "How long before wecan have sex?"The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your momma Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his butt Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up Q: What do the gynecologist and the pizza delivery guy have in common? A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it. Q: Why does a bride wear white? A: Because the dishwasher should match the stove and the refrigerator. Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full Q: How is pubic hair like parsley? A: You push it to the side before you start eating Q: What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dream every night? A: Hanson Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister more...