Michael Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Micheal Jacksons ex-girlfriend had his baby, Michael asked, "Honey, it's been nine months. When can I have sex again?"
She said, "Damn, Michael... at least let the kid learn how to walk first!"
Why is Michael Jackson's new album entitled "Bad?"
Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic."
Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?" "Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" "Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"
Michael: Its hard for my sister to eat. Maureen: Why? Michael: She cant bear to stop talking.
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning ship. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the more...
Q Why did Michael Jackson go to wall mart? A Because they had little boy pants 1/2 off.
Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels`s house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something.
"He won`t get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this."
"Er, I wonder if you`d be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.
"Gee, I`m awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I`ll be using it all day."
"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won`t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"