Michigan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Trying to sell his new and totally omniscient computer to the youthful businessman, the inventor invited his skeptical client to ask it a question-any question. The executive sat down and typed out his query: "WHERE IS MY FATHER?"
The machine rapidly printed the reply: " YOUR FATHER is FISHING IN MICHIGAN."
"This contraption doesn't know what it's talking about," bellowed the prospective customer. "My father's been dead for twenty years."
Certain that his creation was infallible, the scientist suggested, "Why don't you ask the same question in a different form?"
The chap then confidently typed: "WHERE IS MY MOTHER'S HUSBAND?"-to which the mechanical brain answered: "YOUR mother's HUSBAND HAS BEEN DEAD FOR TWENTY YEARS. YOUR FATHER HAS JUST LANDED A THREE-POUND TROUT."

The Detroit Lions have signed head coach Jim Schwartz to a four-year deal, or 64 losses, whichever come first.

In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.
In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving.
In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.
In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.
In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can reside on the same block.
A law in Detroit, Michigan, prohibits crocodiles from being tied to a fire hydrant.
Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.
In Baltimore, Maryland, it is necessary to document any services performed by a jackass.
In Ohio, it is against the law to set a fire under your mule if it balks.
In Arkansas, if your 2-year-old mule runs wild and is unclaimed within 2 days, anyone may castrate the animal.
In Marshalltown, Iowa, a horse will be breaking the law if it eats a fire more...

Spouses caught cheating in Michigan could end up spending the rest of their life in prison. And not the emotional kind. The state’s appeals court ruled that extramarital flings can be prosecuted as first-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to life in jail.
“Technically, any time a person engages in sexual penetration in an adulterous relationship, he or she is guilty of CSC I, ” the most serious sexual assault charge.

Alabama: At Least We Aren't Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong
Arizona: Really, It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Just Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: Without Atlanta We're Alabama
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well OK, We're Not - But the Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: Two Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People, Nine Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We more...

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's more...

This Sunday, former football player turned analyst, Phil Simms officially called Detroit a disaster.
He didn't specify whether he meant the Lion's or the city itself.