Mins Jokes

It is the world cup qualifiers in 2006 Brazil vs Scotland Carlos says "We can't be bothered to play Scotland they are to easy".
"I'll take them on single handedly" Ronaldo said. "You go to the pub."
So later on they check the score Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 0
Then they turn it of later on they say "the game should be finished check the score". Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 1 89: 00 mins
Then Ronaldo comes down and says "I let you down" NO you didn't you got a draw Carlos said "No I did I got sent of in the 12th minute.

If you wanna be a record breaker...
MOST HORRIBLE DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York.
It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C*** Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz acheived 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a more...

35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet headingover the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced,"Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late""Damn!" Said the Irishman, 10 mins later, "I`m sorry people Engine #3 has died, We`ll be 1 hour late"20 mins later,"Every one, engine # 4 has died, sorry, We`ll be 2 hours late"Suddenly the Irish man speaks out,"Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we`ll be stuck up hereall day!!"

Women:
Car Parking:
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Caroline Wizz (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11:15am in Ropergate, Pontefract and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement, 8 hours 14mins later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining cars, as well as shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving:
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on, was one of 313 miles from Stranraer to Hollyhead, by Dr. Julie Thorn, at the wheel of a Saab 900 on 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird, but pressed on to Hollyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Video more...

35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet headingover the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced,"Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late""Damn!" Said the Irishman,10 mins later, "I'm sorry people Engine #3 has died, We'll be 1 hour late"20 mins later,"Every one, engine # 4 has died, sorry, We'll be 2 hours late"Suddenly the Irish man speaks out,"Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we'll be stuck up hereall day!!"