Monster Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?-Because if they were small and round and smooth theyd be M&Ms

Whats the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween.
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if
it's really dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief
in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody
else's voice.
When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply
to any other house of the dead as well.
If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out
that it's just the cat, GET more...

Monster: Doctor, doctor, Im a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors. Doctor: Oh what a shame. Im a dentist.

FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I cant stand Chinese food.

Monster: Stick' em down. Ghost: Don't you mean, stick' em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.

A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother.' You should be on the radio,' said his brother.' You think I'm that good?'' No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off!