Moose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q) How did the moose keep his antlers from being stolen?
A) He locked horns with another moose.
Q) Why wouldn't the leopard take a bath?
A) He didn't want to get spotlessly clean.
Q) What do skunks do when they get angry?
A) They raise a stink.
Q) What do you call a well-dressed lion?
A) A dandy lion (dandelion).
Q) What do you call a vaccination given to a boy deer?
A) Buck shot.
Q) Why didn't the elephant get rich?
A) He was willing to work for peanuts.
Q) How did the kangaroo convict escape?
A) He jumped bail.
Q) What did the judge say when a skunk walked in?
A) Odor (order) in the court.
Q) What did the mole publisher print?
A) An underground newspaper.
Q) Why was the little elephant six hours late for dinner?
A) He had to wash behind his ears before coming to the table.

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off."

"That's baloney!" says one of the hunters. "Yeah," the other agrees, "you're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts! He wasn't afraid to take off!"

"Yeah", said the first hunter, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"

The pilot got angry, and said, "Hell, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody!"

They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. more...

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when….
You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think more...

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot drops them off and tells them: "I'll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?"

One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says: "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose." One of the hunters replies: "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a *big* tip to take both moose out." The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose. Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane.

The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet.... Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree. The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says: "Where the Hell are we?" The more...

Two Canadians get bored during a long car trip and start playing 20 questions.

The first guy thinks of a moose cock and tells the other to start guessing.

"Is it something you can eat?" his friend asks.

The first guy chuckles and replies, "I guess you could eat it, if you really wanted to."

The friend asks, "Is it a moose cock?"

Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!