Mormons Jokes

(Like the recent real Polish jokes, there are Mormon jokes told by Mormons.
Some of them you wouldn't get unless you were one, but...)
A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the
various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?"
"Oh, you don't wan to look down there. That's hell!"
The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys,
verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says.
Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down.
"Dang!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!"
-Craig
...{ucbvax, sun}! pixar! good

How many Mormons Does it take to change a lightbulb?
Young Women: Only one but she has to say the theme first.
Relief Society: One to bring the doilies, ten to bring a salad or dessert, and one to change the lightbulb.
High Priests: One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the oxygen tank.
Anyone else: They change the light bulb while the ward clerk decides how much to refund them.

Mormons, Skiing, Mormons, Missionarys, Olympics, Mormons, Roadwork, Mormons, Farmers, Mormons

I'm a 3rd generation Cantonese-American and have pretty much forgotten the language. Hey, I wasn't even raised with it spoken in my household, but I live in a predominantly Asian neighborhood anyway. Well, Mormons, whom we all know and love(*cough*), have to save their money during childhood so that they may go on missionary expeditions when they hit seventeen years of age or so. Some even become Urban Mormons, where they trek to distant(?) parts of Suburbia, seeking converts. So, one day, there was a knock at my door. So upon answering, Lo! And Behold! Who should be standing there, but two young, aspiring Jehovah's Witn-... I mean, Mormon Missionaries. Both were Caucasian, and one was holding a copy of Halston's Mandarin/English Dictionary. The Mormon holding the dictionary greeted me in a foreign language, presumably Mandarin, which I didn't understand. However, I chose to say nothing; I merely furrowed my brow and intensified my gaze. Astute, as they were, the missionaries were more...