Movie Jokes / Recent Jokes
Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt
Master of Judo
Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques:
Escape from Dojo
The quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats.
Sleeper Stance
Standing at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion.
Sigh of Wisdom
Sudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury.
Crossing Fingers
A hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious.
Gift of Instruction
The act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly.
Seeing Without Seeing
The dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question.
Kuchi Waza (mouth more...
Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1 You leave the toilet seat up... -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's more...
Why do folks in Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? Because the sign says 17 and under not admitted.
DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1 You leave the toilet seat up... -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing... 0 You more...
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual... because he hated the book!"