Nancy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Concerned about fitness in her middle 40s, Nancy enrolled in an aerobics class.
To her dismay, she walked into a room filled with much younger women
She decided to combat her nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises," Nancy told the instructor.
The instructor gave her an appraising look and asked, "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," Nancy replied.
In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model.
She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair.
Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody.
It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Newlyweds, Tim and Nancy, spent their wedding night at a hotel. The following morning, Nancy`s closest friend, Jennifer, came over and asked them how their wedding night went. "I`m so exhausted," Nancy said. "All night long it was up and down, in and out, up and down, in and out." Misunderstanding her, an embarrased Jennifer was shocked that Nancy would speak so crassly. Tim clarified by adding, "Don`t ever get a room next to an elevator!"
Nancy was dating her friend Patty's ex-boyfriend. Said Nancy: "He's so romantic. Every time he speaks to me he starts with "Fair lady..."
Patty says, "Romantic my eye. He used to be a bus driver."
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
"Oh my God!", said the first doctor, "I just realised I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right more...