Native Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why does it *have* to be changed?
Q: How many New Historicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-historical forces will do it. The bulb-screwer is a relatively modern invention.
Q: How many folklorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.
Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Even if the bulb is screwed in, it will always be flickering, however faintly, so it really hasn't worked. It is incapable of delivering uninterrupted light.
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been more...
Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.
Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee and assembled the more impressive collection of provisions.
Before heading more...
Offensive to native Alabamans (but, then again, it could be Arkansas, or Texas, or YOUR state)
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help him take the wheels off.
You've ever used lard in bed.
You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors d'oeuvre.
You think a six pack of beer and a bug zapper are quality entertainment.
Less than half the cars you own run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to "kiss her ass."
The primary color of your car is "BOND-O."
Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
You honest-to-God think that women are turned on by animal noises and tongue gestures.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You've ever hollered "rock the house, Bubba" during a piano recital.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The neighbors started a petition more...
The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California andMassachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass. Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation. Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics: Can I help you? Kin ah hip ewe? Hi, I'm Don Fowler. Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah. The discerning English more...
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, “What are you going to do with the money? ”
“Take jewelry to city and sell it, ” said the old man.
“What have you got for collateral? ” queried the banker, going strictly by the book.
“Don’t know of collateral. ”
“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles? ”
“Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup. ”
The banker shook his head, “How about livestock? ”
“Yes, I have a horse. ”
“How old is it? ”
“I don’t know; it has no teeth. ”
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here’s the money to pay loan, ” he said, handing the entire amount including more...
A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there were indeed people there, but the inhabitants of the island knew nothing of civilized culture.
The missionary decided that it would be in the natives best interest if he could teach them about civilization. He created small schools in huts and taught the natives how to read and write and do mathmetics.
He would take the natives one by one around the island, and teach them the correct words for objects that they would see. One day, the Missionary is walking around the island with one of the natives.
They walk past a tree. The Missionary points and says to the native, "Tree".
The native repeats, "Tree".
They continue further and come to a bush. The Missionary points to it and says, "Bush".
The native repeats the word, "Bush".
They walk around the bush - and lying on the ground behind it, is a native couple whoopi. The more...