Navy Jokes / Recent Jokes

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He tookwith him his life-long pet parrot.First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said,? Reveille, Reveille. Up allhands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.?The old chief told the parrot,? We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.?The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot,? If you keep this up, I`ll put you out in the chicken pen.?Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying,? By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don`tmean Khakis!?

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to
the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the
pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?",
"Where are we?" and "Oh S#!+!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight more...

Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL.
Case in point: My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions.
"So," asked one little girl, "can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?"

Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap? A: It's harder to pick up.

Q. Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottomed boats? A. So they can steer clear of the old Italian Navy.

He took with him his life-long pet parrot. First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille. ”
The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep. ”
The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, “If you keep this up, I’ll put you out in the chicken pen. ”
Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.
About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don’t mean Khakis! ”

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.