Navy Jokes / Recent Jokes
My uncle Jack served in the late 60s on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, CVA-61, in the Tonkin Gulf off the east coast of Vietnam. Having spent his youth with Ham radio, he became an electronics technician. He came aboard fresh from high school, Basic Training, and the US Navy's radio repairman's school. In the radio shop, as probably elsewhere on the ship, in the Navy, and in military life in general, life is regulated by a strict hierarchy. In small organizational units, where the hierarchy is rather flat, the pecking order must be decided by some means other than stripe count. In the Ranger's radio repair shop, the man with the least seniority was assigned to arrive earlier in the morning to make the coffee, so it would be ready by the time the rest of the crew arrived. The first morning out of port, the chief petty officer was giving him the shop tour, focusing closely on coffee-making procedures. "Ya see kid, first ya put eight scoops of coffee in da basket, den ya put da more...
A Marine guard was standing his post and an old Navy Chief comes up to him. The Chief starts talking to the Marine and goes on about how much better the Navy is compared to the Marine Corps.
The young Marine tells the old Chief that he had applied to the Navy but didn't meet the minimum requirements. The Chief laughed and asked the Marine why he didn't qualify.
The young Marine told the Chief that he didn't qualify for the Navy because his parents were married.
An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat." My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?" "Yes," said the Navy brat." My dad has built them." Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?" "Yes." "It's my dad who's killed it!"
The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks (Mess Specialists) caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them.After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn't like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake.The Mess Specialist looked at him, "Is that all you're gonna eat?" he asked.The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it don't look too appetizing."The Mess Specialist smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two more...
A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . .
* United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 *
1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can't have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less on shampoo.
2) Dress blues. They're the coolest uniforms in any military worldwide.
3) Bloused trousers. Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.
4) The rest of the Marine sea bag. From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.
5) Marines don't wear dungarees.
6) Most respect I. When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U. S. military was pulling out -- as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren't still in the country. Now that's respect.
7) Most respect II. When the Corps came back more...
The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was LtGen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for the allies.
The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded in combat and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being Killed was 71%.
Not that bombers were helpless. A B-17 carried 4 tons of bombs more...
This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of NavalOperations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS #1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision." #2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision." #1: "This is the captain of a U. S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course." #2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course." #1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U. S. navy. Divert your course NOW!"#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call?"