Oath Jokes

1) When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.

2) When you are scared... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.

3) When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.

4) When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

5) When you are lost... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.

6) When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god, and hand you a paper towel to wipe your mouth.

7) When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why? Because you're my friend.

An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerk said. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"

The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, "Well, I guess so, but.. . will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?"

Heard this from a friend:
A middle-class man decides to go off and join a monastery which
requires an oath of silence. No speech is allowed except for
two words every 5 years, to sum up one's experiences to the head
monk.
After the first 5 years, the monk asked him what two words described
his experiences and all he said was "HARD BEDS."
When the next 5 year period came, the monk asked how things were
and he replied "BAD FOOD."
After 5 more years, he walked up to the monk and said, "I QUIT!"
The monk nodded and muttered "Yes, this doesn't surprise me.
You've been doing nothing but complaining for the past 15 years!"

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.