Organization Jokes / Recent Jokes
In order to avoid contracting the Swine Flu, the World Health Organization recommends staying away from areas where large numbers of people gather. Like Paris Hilton's vagina.
A guy walks into a bar and notices a good looking blonde sitting alone at the bar. He wanders over and notices that she has the name NAN on her shirt. He says, "Excuse me Nan, can I buy you a drink?"
She says: "Yes you can but my name isn't Nan, it's Sue. NAN stands for National Organization of Nymphomaniacs."
He then asks her what NAN does. She explains that NAN is basically a research organization that studies sexual experiences between males and females based on race, age, experience, class status, ect.
He then asks what has she learned? She replies, "Well from what my personal research tells me, Native Americans are the most experienced, Jewish men have the best stamina and it's true that African Americans are better endowed then your average white male."
She then thanks the man for the drink and asks him his name.
He smiles and says, "Lightfoot Goldberg, but my friends call me Bubba.
Can you imagine working for this organization? It has less than 1000 employees with the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is? Give up?
It's the 535 members of The United States Congress; the same group that cranks the laws designed to keep the rest of us in line. Are the inmates running the asylum?
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to more...
Julius Caesar:
My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that.Jesse James:
I can list among my experience and skills:
leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.Marie Antoinette:
My management style has been criticized,
but I'd like to think of myself as a people person.Joseph Guillotin:
I can give your company a head start on the competition.Hamlet:
My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.Lucrezia Borgia:
My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one.Pandora:
I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.Genghis Khan:
My primary talent is downsizing.
On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries.Macbeth:
Would I go after more...
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting. It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous.
It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage. The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry.
They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.
What does your profession say about you?
1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. TECHNOLOGY - Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4. ENGINEERING - One of only more...