Organization Jokes / Recent Jokes

The most dangerous organization in America today is:a) The KKKb) The American Nazi Partyc) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth.

Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television. Well, the Corporate Dilbert Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your department or job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as' Marketing without a degree' you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can concentrate on
the big picture. You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY Unable to control more...

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

1) MARKETING
You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2) SALES
Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3) TECHNOLOGY
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4) ENGINEERING
One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that more...

Schemmer's Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations.
Simmons's Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won't. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves.
Thoreau's Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. 2) more...

The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change. We instinctively avoid it. The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong. The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who developed it. The other line always moves faster. The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet. The person not here is the one working on the problem. The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building. The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that`s the way to bet.