Pacifier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first. Your Clothes 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. & Preparing for the Birth 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don`t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn`t do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. & The Layette 1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn`s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby`s little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can`t they? & Worries 1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a more...

Definitions For Parents
DUMB WAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance
apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call you child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even
though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do
everything we say.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing
dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than more...

Parent's Dictionary of MeaningsDUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblingsPUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those more...

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you more...

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

TOP BUNK: where you should more...

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disasterFeedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.Preprared more...