Pacifier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you`d better have around de yard if you`re going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn`t appreciate the strained carrots. Full name: What you call your child when you`re mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they`re sure you`re not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. Look out: What it`s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. more...

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.STERILIZE: What more...

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.---------------Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.---------------The Layette1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?---------------Worries1st baby: At the first sign more...

Parent's Dictionary of MeaningsDUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblingsPUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar more...

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disasterFeedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. more...

DUMB WAITER:
one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FEEDBACK:
the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME:
what you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS:
the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY:
what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT:
how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW:
the first word spoken by children with older siblings
PUDDLE:
a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF:
a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE:
what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK:
where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING:
when the baby's face turns more...

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
DEFENSE: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do more...