Painter Jokes / Recent Jokes
Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. "How much you gonna charge me?" asked Guidry. "Twenty dollars an hour," replied Plotke. "Good Lord!" exclaimed the home owner. "I wouldnt pay Michelangelo that price!" "I tell you one thing, mister," said the painter. "If that guy you mentioned is doin the job for less, he aint no member of our union!"
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
John, and avant-garde painter got married.
Someone asked the bride a few weeks after the wedding, "How's married life, Helen?"
"It's great," she answered. "My husband paints, I cook; then we try to guess whe he
painted and what I cooked."
There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one their biggest buildings.
Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.
Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocked Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the more...
There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor,' What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?'
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself' Thank the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.'"
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.