Parody Jokes / Recent Jokes

Allegedly a letter to the Home Economist:

SIR:

Mr. Gates' arguments may also be applied to the electricity utility business. If I were the head of Gates Gas & Electric, the first thing I would do is declare that we sell energy systems, not power, and that customers tell us that they want a familiar energy environment wherever they go

The first step would be to integrate a smart fridge into the overall energy system as it is the first appliance opened by most users and real-time monitoring of beer temperature increases satisfaction with the energy environment for 78% of all customers

Customers would be free to use other fridges, even making someone else's their default appliance. However, if they try to remove the Gas & Electric fridge their television and air conditioner might not function properly. When a circuit fails in an older home we would repair it with a' service pack' that also installs our fridge, eventually introducing all more...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, 22 October 1998

WASHINGTON -- The Justice Department today filed suit against Ford Motor Company, alleging that Ford's practice of' bundling' radios with its cars was a monopolistic restriction of trade, and an unfair competitive practice against makers of car radios such as Alpine and Pioneer.

'We feel that it is wrong for Ford to give away what other companies charge for,' said Joe Klein, head of the DOJ's antitrust division.' Furthermore, requiring that Ford dealers deliver cars to consumers with radios preinstalled restricts consumer choice.'

Justice demanded that Ford immediately cease shipping cars with radios, and that it provide current Ford owners with easy instructions for removing their existing radios. Klein also asked a judge to impose a $1,000,000 per day fine on Ford for each day it failed to comply.' Usually, antitrust fines are about $10,000 per day,' Klein said. Klein called the amount of the more...

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

There is a new virus going around called WORK.

If you receive any sort of WORK, whether via e-mail, the Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague, do not open it. Those who have opened WORK have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter WORK via e-mail or are faced with any WORK at all, purge the virus by sending an e-mail to your boss with the words' This is too much for me, I'm going out for a soda. This better not be here when I get back.' Your brain should automatically delete the WORK. If you receive WORK in paper document form, simply lift the document and drag the WORK to your trash can.

Send this message to all your friends in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then the WORK virus has already corrupted your life!

The season is upon us, and so that all you duffers out there are prepared, here's a little poem for you all to memorize and trot out as the need arises.
Trees: A Golfing Parody
I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;
A tree o'er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie.
A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;
A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send.
A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.
Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.
(Author unknown, but with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)

DO RE MI by Homer J. Simpson

*ahem* La la la la.... *ahem* LAAAAAAA!!

DOUGH...... the stuff... that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
FAR..... a long way to get beer...
SO...... I'll have another beer...
LA...... I'll have another beer...
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer..
That will bring us back to..

(Looks into an empty glass)

D'OH!

Before the books were published, readers suggested titles for Monica's tell-all book:

* Me and My Big Mouth
* What Really Goes Down In The White House
* You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President
* How I Blew It In Washington
* Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule
* Going Back for Gore
* Secret Services to the President
* Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
* The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions
* She's Chief of MY Staff!
* Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes
* Going Down and Moving Up
* Members of the Presidential Cabinet
* How To Get A head in Business
* I Wore What You Did Last Summer