Parody Jokes / Recent Jokes
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.After having met you, I've changed my mind.
If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your Sister.
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder-what the f#$k was I thinking?
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well respected. And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.
Sex with you is like using drugs-lots of people do it, but nobody' stupid enough to admit it.
The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't more...
Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
Anytown USA (Offices around the World)
FEATURES
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video Inputs
Dual Audio Inputs
Audio Output
Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
Auto Search for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Auto Sleep When Not in Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Self Cleaning
Production Details
After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.
These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...
- Always make every effort to keep hands, hair, clothing and jewelry clear of the garbage disposal unit while vomiting in your host's kitchen sink.
- Embarrassing potentially serious injury can be avoided by asking you host or hostess for assistance in locating the bathroom light switch. What feels like a toilet in a darken room may instead be a life-threatening washing machine when used improperly.
- The safety-conscious party animal knows that it's important NEVER to stand on the "hinge" side of a bathroom door.
- When the time comes to dance on the bar while performing a striptease, it is important to avoid injury by first removing any bottles, spills or beer nuts, which could cause a sudden loss of balance.
- When it becomes apparent that you about to pass out, serious trampling injuries can be avoided by quietly directing yourself to a low-traffic area prior to losing consciousness.
- Depending on you level of more...
THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER
Scene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
Hark! Who trespasses so near?
Kenneth of Starr:' Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maiden
Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in like
pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.
Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves
than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
economie, doth o'erlook much.
Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else more...
(With apologies to Country Joe McDonald,
who had nothing to do with this parody.)
Gimme a Y!
Y!
Gimme a 2!
2!
Gimme a K!
K!
What's that spell?
Y2K!
What's that spell?
Y2K!
What's that spell?
Y2K!
Yeah, come on all of you, big strong nerds,
Uncle Sam's laid a bunch of turds.
He's got himself in a terrible place
Way down yonder in cyberspace
So put down your books and pick up a mouse,
We're gonna fix this whole damn house.
And it's one, two, three,
What are we coding for?
< Yippiee! >
Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,
Next stop is on the LAN;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up for William Gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we're all gonna die.
In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:
"Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:
"How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader.... "Because I've felt your presents...."
Current Proceedings' Not Long Enough,' News Outlets Argue
On the eve of closing arguments in the Michael Jackson child-molestation trial, a coalition of the major all-news networks has asked the judge in the case for a new trial, claiming that the current legal proceedings were "not long enough."
A spokesperson for the networks, Peter Fendell, held a press conference on Thursday to state the cable news outlets' position that the current trial had given "short shrift" to the key issues in the case.
"Unless there is another, longer trial, preferably one that lasts until May sweeps in 2007, justice will not be served," Mr. Fendell said.
He said that a longer trial would allow more time to focus on the lurid sexual details of the case, which he said had been "glossed over."
He added that, in addition to being "too quick and cursory," the current Jackson trial was marred by the more...