Pencil Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What is the bigest pencil in the world? A. Pennsylvania

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

Little Jimmy was a naughty little boy who, as it happened, wanted a bicycle more than anything else in the world. When he asked his mother for one, she told him that he could only have a bike if he learned to behave himself, which he promptly promised to do.
Alas, after a week of trying to behave, the boy found it next to impossible. Trying to be helpful, his mother suggested, "Maybe if you write a little note to Jesus, you'll find it easier to be good."
Jimmy agreed to try and, rushing upstairs, flopped down on his bed, pencil in hand.
"Dear Jesus," he wrote, "if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for the rest of my life."
Realizing he could never do that, Jimmy crumpled the paper and started anew.
"Dear Jesus, if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for a month."
Realizing that even that was beyond him, Jimmy decided not to start again. Instead he ranj into his mother's room, went to her dresser, more...

Patient: Doctor, My Daughter Has Swallowed A Pen Come Here Quickly Doctor: Yes, But What Are You Doing There. Patient: I Am Trying To Get It Out With A Pencil

Teacher: An Emperor Is A Ruler. Now, Make A Sentence With Emperor. Raghu: I Carry An Emperor In Pencil Box Every Day.