Pencil Jokes / Recent Jokes
How do you know a blonde secretary's having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.GET OUT YOUR 'PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS'WASHINGTON - When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a ''portable hand-held communications inscriber,'' says a Republican senator.
What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.
Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
If a tree falls in a forest, and more...
What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.
Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn
to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
If a tree falls in a more...
Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It blew my neighbor's house apart!"
A Student To His Teacher: “ I Haven’t Got No Pencil. ”
Teacher, Correcting Him: “ You Don’t Have Any Pencil. He Doesn’t Have Any Pencils. We Don’t Have Any Pencils. ”
Student, With A Look Of Astonishment: “Where Have All The Pencils Gone? ”