Personal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for more...
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business
Sign?
Marketing
You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid
having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and
socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.
Least compatible with Sales.
Sales
Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a
degree."
You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and
begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers
so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for
your golf game throughout your life.
Technology
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead
content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace.
Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can
tell. It is written that Geeks more...
To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem.
What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code List
Code Number Explanation ---------- -----------
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for more...
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday.
The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us
what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you
watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job
title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree
to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking
and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities
are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a
degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls
you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with
"customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek
admiration for your golf game more...
One day Johnnie goes up to his mother and asks:"Mom, how old are you?"
Mom: "That's a personal question. You don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older"
So Johnnie goes back to school and tells his friend: "My mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions"
His friend replies: "You should go into her purse and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd.
Johnnie goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you're 39 years old."
Mom: "Yeah that's right I am."
"And you weigh 55 more...
A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about.Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, more...
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth.
Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television. Well, the Corporate Dilbert Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your department or job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as' Marketing without a degree' you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can concentrate on
the big picture. You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY Unable to control more...