Pessimist Jokes / Recent Jokes
Young person to preacher, "REPENT??!! I haven't even pented yet!!"
Thousands of years ago the Egyptians worshipped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over mole hills.
While praising the optimist who created the airplane, let us not forget the pessimist who made the parachute!
In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
Always forgive your enemies - it aggravates the heck out of them!
Confidence is painting the ceiling after installing the new carpet.
You can't turn back the clock. But you sure can wind it up again.
PATIENCE is something you greatly admire in the driver behind you, but NOT in the one ahead of you.
How proper are the English? Their lifeguards give handshake to handshake resuscitation.
There was a time when anyone spending $100 for sneakers was stocking a shoe store.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
In the market for a new bird dog, the avid duck hunter ended his search when he found a dog that could miraculously walk on water to retrieve a duck. Being so shocked by his find, he was certain that none of his friends would believe him.
Deciding to break the news to a close friend of his, who was a pessimist by nature, he invited him to go hunting with him and his new dog. Waiting by the shore, they spotted a flock of ducks flying by. They fired and a duck fell. Responding quickly, the dog jumped into the water. However, he didn't sink, but instead walked across the water and retrieved the duck, never getting more than his paws wet. The pessimistic friend saw all of this, but never uttered a word.
On the journey home, the hunter asked his friend, "Did you happen to notice anything unusual about my dog?"
"I'll say I did," he replied. "He can't swim!"
A pessimist is a man who feels that all women are bad...an optimist hopes so.
A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.
The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?"
The Pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?"