Peters Jokes / Recent Jokes

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. Being shrewd and diligent, business kept coming in and she soon realized she needed an in-house counsel.
Interviewing the first applicant, she said, "I am certain you can understand that in a business such as this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." Leaning forward, she asked, "Mr. Peters, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" Mr. Peters replied. "Without a doubt. Why I am so honest that when my father loaned me $20,000 for my education, I paid back every penny the moment I tried my first case."
"That's very impressive," she replied. "What sort of case was it?"
Squirming in his seat, he sheepishly replied, "He sued me for the money."

Winston Peters is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offersthat, "if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," Winston says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy". "I'm afraid not, "explains Winston, "that is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Winston, "isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Winston Peters was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a more...

Farmer Peters hired a man to sort his potato crop. He told the man to make three piles: one for the small potatoes, one for
the medium-size ones, and one for the large ones.

After several hours, the man told Farmer Peters he was quitting his job. He seemed flustered, his brow was beaded with perspiration, and his shirt was also wet.

"Is the work too hard for you?" Peters asked.

"No," he answered, "but all the decisions are killing me."

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run."

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

Give an example of tragedy
Winston Peters is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a ''tragedy''. One little boy stands up and offersthat, ''if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy''.
''No,'' Winston says, ''That would be an ACCIDENT.''
A girl raises her hand. ''If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy''. ''I'm afraid not, ''explains Winston, ''that is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.''
The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. ''What?'' asks Winston, ''isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?''
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: ''If an airplane carrying Winston Peters was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy''.
''Wonderful!'' Winston beams. ''Marvelous! And can you more...

Henry Ford went to Heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome
at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities,
asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great
inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peters
printed out the list of all the inventors currently ( doing time ) in
heaven.
As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam.
He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St.
Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the
invention of women. Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a
few things to straighten out with him.
When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking
him for the flaws in his invention.
"Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw.
There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too
much, it more...