Recommendation Jokes

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."

THE PROBLEM
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.
THE SOLUTION
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.
1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy:
"In my opinion," you say as sincerely as you can manage, "you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you."
2. To describe a person who is totally inept:
"I most more...

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going more...

"Give me a one-armed economist!" demanded President Harry S. Truman.
President Truman was the first president to appoint a council of economic advisers. Unlike some later presidents, he actually liked to liste n to his policy advisers. However, he preferred a clear recommendation, not a long discussion of the advantages a nd disadvantages of a particular course of action.
He quickly grew tired of economist who gave a good recommendation, and then began, "O n the other hand.. . "

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of Human Resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The Human Resources Director agreed and told Peters that he would have the letter the very next day.
The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for seventeen years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."