Pistol Jokes / Recent Jokes
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.
#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third- degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a more...
A Teacher was trying to get her class to pay attention the last few days of school so she came up with a project that her students had to go home and make their parents tell them a story and have a moral to it. The next day all the kids had great stories and then Jimmy raised his hand and the teacher asked him if he had a story and he said you bet"Its about my Aunt Carol, she was a pilot flying over Iraq and she got shot down and all she had was a pistol, a knife and a bottle of wisky! so she quickly drank the bottle of wisky because she figured she fall into a group of Iraqies! So, sure enough she fell into a group of 12 Iraqies, she shot 9 of them with her pistol,2 of them with her knife until it broke and strangled 1 with her bare hands" and asked if it had a moral to it and he said "You bet, don't mess with my Aunt Carol when she is drinking."
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.
The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"
Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."
The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"
The young man, happy to show how good he was, more...
one day there was a war
Men vs women
Men got out bazookas and nukers
Women got out flowers
A blond man got a pistol
A blonde woman got a grenade
"NO," screamed the men, "YOU CANT USE A PISTOL IT'S TOO WEAK."
"NO," screamed the women, "YOU CANT USE A GRENADE, IT'S DANGEROUS."
The blond man shot a fat slow ugly lady.
The blonde woman blew up all the women cuz she didn't know how to use a grenade.
once there was a guy named bob. he had a problem. he had premature ejaculations. so one day he visited a doctor to get it fixed, and when he told the doctor his problem the doctor said, "whenever you get the feeling to ejaculate fire a pistol and it will startle you so that the urge goes away. so, bob thought this was a good idea, when he got home his wife was in bed waiting for him. so they got it going on in the 69 position. the next day bob went back to the doctor and the doctor asked "so how did it go?" and bob answered "not so good, when i fired the pistol, my wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face, and my naghbor came out of the closet naked with his hands up.
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: #1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital. #2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a more...
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny): I want a pistol
S(alesman): Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...