Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes

In The Beginning was The Plan.And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice Presidents went unto more...

TO ALL EMPLOYEES
Due to increased competition and a keen desire to remain in business, we find it necessary to institute a new policy:EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest periods, story telling, ticket selling, vacation planning, and the rehashing of yesterdays TV programs, that each employee endeavor to find some time that can be set aside and known as the WORK BREAK.To some, this may seem a radical innovation, but we honestly believe the idea has great possibilities. It can conceivably be an aid to steady employment and it might also be a means of assuring regular pay checks.While the adoption of the Work Break Plan is not compulsory, it is hoped that each employee will find enough time to give the plan a fair trial.The Management

My plan is to live for a million years... So far, so good...

Roscoe and his friend went moose hunting every year without success.

Finally, they came up with what they hoped was a foolproof plan. They acquired a very authentic moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then jump out of the costume and shoot the bull.

Setting themselves upon the edge of a clearing in their costume, they began to give the moose "call o'love". Before too long their call was answered by a bull moose some distance away. They called again, and the bull answered from somewhere closer. Again they called, and again the bull answered. Soon he came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

As the bull's pounding hoofbeats got closer, the friend in the front said, "O.K.! Lets get out and shoot him!"

After a moment that seemed like an eternity Roscoe who's in the rear half of the costume shouted, "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK! WHAT ARE WE more...

Every winter, two hunters went moose hunting but never had any success. Finally, they felt they had come up with a foolproof plan. They obtained an authentic looking female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
Their plan was to put on the costume, lure the bull, then get out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up at the edge of a clearing, got in the costume and began giving the moose love call.
Before they knew it, their call had been answered and a bull came crashing out of the forest, straight into the clearing. As soon as the bull got close enough, the fellow in the front said, "Now! Let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed to last forever, the fellow in the back shouted, "Damn, the zipper's stuck. What do we do now?"
"I'm going to start nibbling the grass," the fellow in front replied, "but you'd better brace yourself!"

Sarah Palin has taken to her Facebook page to demand that PresidentObama fire his chief of staff Rahm Emanuel for referring to a plan thatwould attack Democrats who are opposed to health care legislation as"f----ing retarded". Palin says Emanuel's remark was disparaging tothe disabled. She went on to say that Emanuel could have more properlyand sensitively emphasized his point by saying that the plan was"fucking mentally challenged."

A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the UT guy extensively.

The robbery begins. The Bama man drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the Vol, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said the Vol.

The Vol goes in the bank while the Bama man waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes. . . Two minutes pass. . . Seven minutes pass and the Bama guy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes the Vol. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are more...