Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry more...

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry more...

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A . Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan! But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my more...

In the beginning was the plan

And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness came upon the face of the workers, And they spoke amongst themselves, saying: "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their supervisors and sayeth: It is a pail of dung and none can abide the odor thereof."

And the supervisors went unto their managers, and sayeth unto them: "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, Such that none can abide it."

And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength."

And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."

And the directors went unto the vice presidents, and sayeth to them: "It promotes more...

In The Beginning was The Plan. And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went more...

Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin) ATT announced last week it will lay off up to 8,000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding. El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 more...