Plank Jokes / Recent Jokes

So there's this magician working on a small cruise ship. He's been doing his
routines every night for a year or two now. The audiences appreciate him, and
they change over often enough that he doesn't have to worry too much about
new tricks. However, there's this parrot who sits in the back row and watches
him night after night, year after year. Finally, the parrot figures out how
the tricks work and starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when
the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind
his back! Behind his back!" Well, the magician get really annoyed at this,
but he doesn't know what to do. The parrot belongs to the Captain, so he
can't just kill it.
One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to swim to a
plank of wood floating by and grabs on. The parrot is sitting on the other
end of the plank. The just stare at each other and drift. They drift for more...

A blonde was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table.

The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden plank and threw her into the river out back. Another blonde walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden plank and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with the first blonde and they both floated together for a while.

She asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?"

The first blonde said,.. . "They didn't last time."

Two Kiwi guys are working at the top of a high rise building site in New Zealand. Anyway, Phul (Phil) turns to Muck (Mick) & says "I've gotta take a puss, but there's nowhere to go."
"Walk out to the end of that plank" replies Muck. "I'll stand on this end and balance you."
"Are You sure Muck?"
"Yeah, no worries mate"
"100%?"
"YES!"
So out goes Phul to take a piss, but before he's finished, the lunch siren sounds. Muck forgets what he's supposed to be doing and steps off the plank. Phul, of course, is a goner.
Several months later, an Australian, a Frenchman and a bloke from New Zealand are sitting in a pub discussing which of their respective nations chase women the hardest.
Greg the Aussie says, "Mate, I've been known to miss out on a piss-up session down the pub with me mates trying to crack on to sheilas!"
Pierre the Frenchman says "Non, non, non. We more...