Plant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.

A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the plant manager, and told him, "When I buy a $80,000 car I expect the damn radio to work."
The plant manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff.
He got back into the car and said "Country music," and Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator.
Finally relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham and listening to smooth sounds. Then a red car with jammed with young girls almost ran him off the road. "STUPID BITCHES!" he screamed. Immediately the Spice Girls started singing.

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

As far as i know you get 2 different kinds of Toddy here.
1. from coconut
2. from a particular type of palm
The toddy you get from coconut is tastes better. In some parts of kerala - like aleppy you get toddy in various flavours. I am not sure which all flavours since I never tried it personally.
And and. ..
You get toddy with various chemicals added. And they are known according to the chemical added to it. Ive read about the following varites. See these chemicals are injurious to health and God only knows what all are present in them. (these are illeagal chemicals.)
1. Anamayakki (ana = elephant. mayakkam = sleep )
it means something which make even an elephant sleep. (in malayalam) And there is a medicinal plant of the same name. Its said that even elephants avoid touching them as they are highly poisionous. I have seen this plant in an exibition.
2. esho messiah ( means jesus christ)
if u taste this you will sleep for 3 days and then more...

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. "No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it."

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manger out for martinis. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."

Then the salesman glances out the officer window and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."

"No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it." Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager.

"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"

A wife wrote a letter to her husband in prison:
"I would like to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When would be the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, aware that the prison guards read all mail, wrote a letter back:
"Dear Wife, Do NOT touch the back garden, whatever you do. That is where I have all the gold hidden."
A week later, the prisoner received another letter from his wife:
"You are not going to believe this. Some men came to the house with shovels and dug up the entire back yard."
The prisoner then wrote his wife again:
"Dear, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"