Plant Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. What do you call the study of polyps?
Wart-iculture.
2. What did the tropical weather say when it made a mistake?
I am only Humid.
3. How does corn speak?
With a husky voice (and it is al ears)
4. What rank in the army is corn?
A Kernal.
5. Which yellow plant flew too close to the sun?
ICTERUS.
6. What do you call an undressed fruit?
INDEHISCENT
7. What do you call something done accidently by a rolled plant leaf?
Involutary.
8. Why is bach's concerto like a plant?
Both are organic.
9. What is the advice of tucan Sam to a botanist?
Follow your node.
10. What does a botanists do when he/she finds a new orchid?
Labellum.
11. What is a D&D villain oft encountered by a botanist?
An Orc-id.
12. The botanist was broke, so she took out a lawn, or was it a loam.
13. The corn followed you, you have been stalked.
14. What do you call it if you lick a more...

When Rabbi Levy retired, the congregation decided to plant a tree on the shul grounds in commemoration of his years of service.
At the Board meeting, someone suggested an oak tree, because the rabbi grew the congregation from a little "acorn". Someone else, a critic of the rabbi, suggested a locust, a reference to one of the plagues in Exodus. As the discussion became heated, the gabbai spoke up.
"None of you mentioned the rabbi's service as a mohel," he said, "so why not plant an appropriate tree?"
"So what do you have in mind?" the president asked.
Meyer pulled out a nursery catalog. "Right here, a tree. A you-clipped-us."

Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.

Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant.

It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.
Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!
Love Bubba
At 4 the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police
showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under more...

The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...

A prisioner in jail receives a letter from his wife. "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the gold." A week or so later, he recieved another letter from his wife: "You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

It was Arbor Day, and a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all planted something.
The redhead planted flowers in her front yard.
The brunette planted a tree in her back yard.
The blonde didn't know what to plant, so she asked the redhead.
"Plant something that looks good," she said.
The blonde still didn't know what to plant, so she asked the brunette.
"Plant something you want more of," she said.
The blonde finally knew what to plant. The next day, her husband was declared a missing person.