Policy Jokes / Recent Jokes

An expert stated that one of the reasons there are so few Muslim extremist suicide bombers who are female, is because when they explode they would be exposing their skin, which goes against policy.
(The policy, of course, is in effect to prevent males from becoming sexually aroused or attracted by the skin.)
So the worry is that men might be attracted to blown-up chunks of exploding Muslim women.
e.g. "I gotta get me a piece of that!"
Talk about getting "some."

The incredibly dumb ATT fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up. An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a more...

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied." You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job." He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25, 000 and another for $50, 000." How in the world did you do that?" they asked." I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him." What's that?" he asked." Well, if you sell a policy over $20, 000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt more...

Poll shows most adults on prescription drugs. As a result, the "Drug Free Workplace" policy has been amended to the "Illegal Drugs Free Workplace" policy.
Since the word document has a grammar check, the title was automatically changed to the "Illegal Drugs Are Free Workplace" policy.
Remember, Vote for Gary and get a ManFree

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the more...

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, any time!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets more...