Politicians Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere! A fool and his money are soon elected. A fool and his money are soon popular. A fool and his money is my kind of customer! If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it? All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy. Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH! Even the blind can see money. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. Money burns a hole in my pocket...how about yours? Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it. Money is the root of all bills. Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love. Money Talks - and it usually says NO! Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money. Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money. This country has the best politicians money can buy. Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of... Turbo-Tax took money out of my more...

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

What would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?
The answer is clear: menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event...
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.
Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)
Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in the army ("you have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political more...

+50 degrees Fahrenheit
* New York tenants try to turn on the heat
* People from Ontario plant gardens+40
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Albertans sunbathe+35
* Italian cars don't start+32
* Distilled water freezes+30
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Manitobans eat ice cream+25
* Lake Ontario water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed+20
* New York water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts+15
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
* B.C. residents go swimming+10
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going0
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs more...