Potato Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.
I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad
........
Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4a. m.
the next morning,
A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling more...
A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the more...
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The
trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat
(the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the
liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit
after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle
Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds
are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to
all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor
before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing
him afterwards. Good Luck! !!
DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast
with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers;
dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear
the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass more...
Maverick was in the South of France, and could not understand why Biff
had attracted all the girls at the beach, while he pulled nothing.
So he asked Biff, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"
Biff said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives
the women wild!"
So, Mav stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach.
Many hours later, he still had no woman. Mav went to see Biff again and
said, "I've tried it and it doesn't work!"
Biff looked at the Maverick and said, "Have you tried putting the potato
in the front?"
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof".
The cop says, "its only a dog".
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"
Mr Potato had three daughters all wanting to get married!
Mr Potatoes first daughter cheerfully said:
Pa I am going to marry a Jersey royal.
Mr Potato replied happily:
Nice one my dear, we will have a bit of class in the family.
Mr Potatoes 2nd daughter chipped in saying:
Pa I am going to marry a King Edward.
To which Mr Potato replied even more happier:
That is great my dear, Royalty in the family that is something speacial, we are rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous now!
Suddenly all eyes went to Mr potatoes 3rd daughter who some what said hesitantly:
Pa I am going to marry Desmond Lynom!
In disbeleif Mr Potato replied angrily:
WHAT! this is an outrage! you can not marry him.
Why not?
replied the third daughter nervously!
Because he is only a common-tater!
Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I`m a"kela".
Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter"Ed.
Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone?
A: "Aaloo? "
Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.
Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do " phools" fall in love?
Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I`m a "mota"car.
Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don`t "unda"-stand.
Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: "Jhinga" Bells.
Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was "puri".
Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"
Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.
Q: What do you call an almost bald poet?
A: more...