Powder Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two blondes were skiing at Aspen, when they got into a debate about the best way to ski down a particular hill. “The best way is down the left side of the course, where it’s nearly all powder, ” said the first blonde. “No, the best way is straight down the middle, where the snow is packed tight, ” argued the other. “Look, ” said the first blonde. “Let’s get another opinion. There’s a guy dragging a sled up the hill. Let’s go ask him. ” The second blonde agreed, and in a few minutes the two of them caught up with the guy. “Excuse me, ” said the first blonde. “I say the best way to ski down this hill is to take the left side of the course, where it’s nearly all powder, but my friend thinks the best way is straight down the middle, where the snow is packed tight. Can you tell us who’s right? ” “Sorry, ladies, ” said the man, “but there’s no use in asking me. I’m a tobogganist. ” “Oh, ” said the second blonde. “Well, in that case, can more...
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and not to talk about private matters in public.
At first he holds it in because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table, so he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me, I have to go powder my nose." And, saying that, he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.
When he returns, the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"
"Yes," said the little boy, stepping back into the sandbox.
"Well, then," says the little girl, "you'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."
An inventor goes into a bank and asks the Banker for a loan to help him maufacture a new product. The Banker tells him he needs to see the product, first.
The man pulls a small envelope out of his pocket and empties the contents, an orange powder, onto the desk. "That's my invention!" "You dump this onto a womans pussy and it makes it taste like ORANGES! FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGES! He shouts.
The banker is not impressed. He says, "That's obscene, I won't loan the banks money on something like that! GET OUT!
The inventor leaves, but the next week he's back and makes a $5,000 deposit. The next day he deposits $10,000. The thrid day it's $20,000. The banker sees this and apologizes to the man.
The inventor tells him, "No, you where right! I was wrong. You straightened me out. I've come up with someting much better and I owe it all to you! That's why I using your bank!"
The banker asks what his new invention is. The guy smiles and pulls out more...
The Gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face.
"Sir", she said; "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms.
The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and there was one red button labeled "ATR".
Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the "WW" button. Warm Water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him.
The Men's more...
> Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
> to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree,
> there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady
> bang... bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the
> sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh
> raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of
> Christopher Robin. "Why... won't... he... fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as
> the axe came down once more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole
> next to it, which Pooh had hidden with his favourite rug. Christopher
> Robin, selfish prat that he was, didn't quite fit in the hole Pooh had
> dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack Christopher
> Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and hummed a
> little song to himself as he more...
Far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts, but Nick the Dragon slayer knew the penalty for this desire would be death should he try and touch them.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy
his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon more...
A n old lady who speaks no English, only Yiddish, goes into a department store looking to buy some baby powder. She can't find any -
but suddenly spots a sales clerk wearing a kippa. "Yunger mann, kum aher" she calls ."Vu fint m'n der bebbe pooder? "
The sales clerk responds -"Ich vil ihr veizen vu tsu geyen - ober ihr muz geyen punkt azoy vi ich key, nor vi ich gey - nisht andres. Kum noch mir un ich vil ihr veisen vu tsu geyen." And he starts down the aisle with the old lady following. him.
Now - this clerk happens to be very bow-legged, very noticeably bow-legged.
When the old lady spots his bowed legs, she lets out a g'shrey - "Ven ich ken azoy geyen, volt ich nisht ge'daft kein bebbe pooder! "