Pretend Jokes / Recent Jokes
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream 'that's mine'. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. Ask, 'Did you feel that?'Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.When the doors close, announce to the others, 'It's okay, don't panic, they open again.' Call out 'group hug', and then enforce it.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. Make explosion more...
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
19. I'm not your type. I'm not more...
You may pretend to dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.
Two young cowboys - aged six and four - walked into the pretend bar for a drink.
The older cowboy thumped his fist on the pretend bar and said to the pretend bartender, "Bartender, gimme a rye whiskey!"
The younger cowboy was not to be outdone. "Yeah, and make mine a whole wheat!"
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.2. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.4. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.6. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.7. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?9. You! Off my planet!10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
4. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin’ people person?
6. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
17. I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my more...