Prize Jokes / Recent Jokes

DETROIT--With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday.

The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's cars next year.

"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."

Though it does not officially begin until January, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive.

"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,' Oh, boy, this could be it--I could be a big more...

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush. When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.' Great,' said Tom.' I love spaghetti.'' So do I,' said Dick.' And how's the toilet brush, Harry?'' Not so good,' Harry said,' I reckon I'll go back to paper...'

Q: Why did the farmer get a Nobel Prize?
A: He was outstanding in his field!

Bill, James and David were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Bill won the first prize - a whole year`s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. James was the winner of the second prize - six month`s supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And David won the sixth prize - a toilet brush. When they met in the pub a week later, David asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Bill. "I love spaghetti." "So do I," said James. "And how`s the toilet brush, David?" "Not so good," David said, "I reckon I`ll go back to paper."

these three girls got ran over and go to heven.when they got there they saw ducks every where.
there was this sign that said"DO NOT STEP ON A DUCK OR FACE THE CONCEQUENCES!!!"one of them thought no one will find out so she stepped on one and this angel came.je said now you will be hooked onto this ugly guy for your whole life. so he puts this chain on her and this ugly guy.
the second one tried to get something to eat but she stepped on a duck.she got hooked on another ugly guy.
the third one thought if you sit there you could get a prize for not stepping on a duck. she sat there and the angel came to her. she thought she got a prize with the hottie guy coming over there.
she was happy but the angel said no your the ugly one.

On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."
So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.
Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly.
Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again.
Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.
Rose's roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening more...

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

One hundred forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical more...