Prize Jokes / Recent Jokes
A scientist installed a knocker at his house's door. Why??
To win a no-bel prize.
Q: Why did the cow receive the Nobel Peace Prize?
A: Because it was out standing in its field!
A man was driving a car when a policeman stopped him and said, "You are being given a prize of Rs. 5000 for wearing a seat belt while driving. What will you do with this money?" "First, I will get my driving license made", the man replied. The woman sitting beside him said, “Please don’t listen to him. He is drunk! ” On hearing this, another man sleeping in the back seat woke up and said, "Wow! I never thought we would be able to cover this much distance in this stolen car!!" Then, a voice from the boot spoke "Psst… Have we crossed the border?"
A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of more...
Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.
They bought five tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of Gourmet Spaghetti sauce.
Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long Gourmet Spaghetti.
And Harry won the sixth prize - a Toilet Brush.
When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."
One St. Patrick's Day an old peat farmer rode into his local village on his prize donkey to celebrate the day. He tied his mule and went into his favorite pub where he spent several hours with several pints and songs and not a few stories. On leaving the pub he was shocked to find that someone had painted his prize mule green. He touched her just to be sure and there was no doubt. Well, he went back into the pub and began to curse and to try to find out who had painted his prize mule green. Then one of the boys and the end of the bar stood up, a very large fellow indeed. "I did it!" says he. "Have you got something to say to me?" Without the slightest pause the old man said, "Yes! The first coat is dry."
This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van."
But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home."
Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home, because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"
So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL".