Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes
If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, "you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast. "The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . more...
A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first two holes and the second fellow said, "We`re about evenly matched, how about playing for $5 a hole?" The first fellow said he was not much for betting but agreed to the terms. The second fellow won the next 16 holes. As they walked off the last hole, the second fellow was counting his $80 and confessed that he was the Pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow said he was the Parish Priest. The Pro was embarrassed and offered to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you, keep your winnings." The Pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest replied, "Well you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation and if you want more...
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, " No, no, no, "
" You're gripping the club way too hard!"
" Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
" Hold the club gently," the pro replied, " Just like you'd hold your wife's breast.
" The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson.
The pro watches her swing and says, " No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
" What can I do?" asks the wife.
" Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, more...
A golfer took a vacation in Florida. He was a big bettor and always had at least $500 riding on each round. He asked at the pro shop if there was anyone around who liked a little competition, and the pro introduced him to a man named Joe.
"Is Joe a good golfer?" the man asked when Joe left to get his clubs.
"He doesn’t look that good but he always seems to win his matches," the pro replied.
The man met Joe on the first tee, and they agreed to play for $500. On the first tee, Joe hooked his drive into the water, and the vacationer won the hole. On the next hole, Joe topped his drive and then shanked his second shot into the trees. The man won that hole, too. On the next tee Joe took off his hat and scratched his head. When he did that, a big parrot flew up and lighted in a nearby tree. "Want to double the bet?" Joe asked.
"Sure," the vacationer said, already counting his winnings as he stepped up to more...
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls, ” the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls? ”
“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps! ”
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh.. . you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.