Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we`re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn`t like to bet, but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they`re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80. 00, he confesses that he`s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he`s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, more...

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
"Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. He knew nothing whatsoever about the game
of golf, but thought he might give it a try.
He called a local pro for lessons. The pro showed him the proper stance and swing. Once they got on
to the first green he said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag and you'll be fine." The novice teed
up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped just a few
inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Um, er, well," began the pro, "The object is to hit
the ball into the cup."
"Oh, well that's just great!" said the beginner in a very disgusted tone...
"... NOW you tell me!"

Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup? He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . more...

The snooty cricket club received a letter from a village team asking for a fixture.

They agreed, provided that later on in the season the villagers gave them a' quid pro quo'.

Next day, they received another letter: ' We were surprised at your request, but enclosed please find a pound for your pro.'!

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them areplaying like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, hesays, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW" He hits the ball250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wifewith the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches herswing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, andTHUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about 15 more...