Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes

A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about 3 hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the club house, the resident pro would inquire about his score. "Ed, how'd you shoot today?", to which the man would always reply, "Another perfect par."

The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day, but since he was a regular customer, he didn't want to insult the man by accusing him of lying.

Finally, one day, the pro decided to accompany the old man on his daily round, just to see for himself. On the first tee, the older gentleman sliced the ball way off into the rough. He found his ball, but his second shot was even worse. Finally putting it into the first hole (a par 4) took him 8 swings. The golf pro thought to himself "I knew it. This guy's been lying all this time. There is no way more...

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how shed do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but youre gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husbands penis." The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent! Lets try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."

Now that former pro wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura has become Governor of Minnesota, the question of the day is: what if pro wrestlers took control of the federal government?

** Congressional filibusters take place in "Texas Death" steel cage.

** During House debate, it is customary to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.

** State of the Union addresses are screamed, 18 inches away from the camera.

** Past House Speakers: "This session will come to order." New House Speaker: "Get ready to R-R-R-R-R-RRUMBLE!!!"

** Supreme Court replaces traditional judiciary robes with referee uniforms.

** January 20: Inauguration Day.... January 21: FDA OK's over-the-counter sale of steroids.

** Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.

** Line to body slam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could to play.

"Sure," said the Pro, " But what's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, it's 16," said the businessman,"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone."

"No, it's very important for us to know," said the pro who then called a caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16." The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle; again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid more...

A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in thevicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.

After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.

“Sure, ” said the Pro, “What’s your Handicap? ”

“Well, it’s 16, ” said the Businessman, “But I don’t see the relevance since I shall be playing alone. ”

“No, it’s very important for us to know, ” said the Pro. The Pro then called a Caddy.

“Go out with this Gentleman, ” said the Pro, “his handicap is 16. ”

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no more...

This man had decided to spend some time in this new and fancy resort which advertised an all inclusive do all you can kind of sejour. So he shows up at the desk, gets his key and goes to his room. Looking thru the hotel's book he finds there are tennis courts on the premises so he calls the desk to find out how to go about playing a set or two. "Just meet the pro at the tennis shop, he will lend you all that you need and will find you someone to play with." answered a very polite clerk. "How much is that going to cost me" the man asks So the man goes to the shop, plays tennis all afternoon. When he is done he asks the pro how much he owed. "Nothing, this is on the room." The next day he decided to try horse backriding and again found it did not cost him a penny more than the price of the room. After a week there he had done just about everything that was available except golf. On his last day he decided to play a round so he goes to the club house, gets more...