Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off
and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and
says, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says "Loft".
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He
asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says "Loft".
The third guy tees off and slices into a pond. He asks the pro,
"What did I do wrong?"
The pro says "Loft".
As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally
speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely
different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong
you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft?"
The pro says, "Lack Of Fucking Talent"

Twas the night before Christmas, in my house's halls
Stirred many pro wrestlers, partaking in brawls;
Mr. Socko was hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Mick Foley soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of roody-poos danced in their heads;
And momma in her doo-rag, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap;

When out on the lawn I heard the glass shatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away through the bedroom Jeff Hardy dashed,
And finished off momma with a senton splash.

The lights from the previous match with Al Snow
Gave the lustre of blunt foreign objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a bird-flipping Rattlesnake chugging a beer,

With a guy so electrifying no one can mock,
I knew in a moment it must be The Rock.
As he raised his eyebrow his people more...

The old golf pro was bored early on and had already been into the cooler in the pro shop, when suddenly a young lady ran in screaming, "I was stung by a bee!"

"Where?" the bleary-eyed pro asked.

"Between the first and second holes," replied the frantic young lady.

To which the tipsy pro replied, "I told you yesterday that your stance was too wide."

A foursome of elderly gentlemen went to the bar after a round of golf where the new Pro asked them "How did your game go today?" The first said he had a good round with 25 riders. The second said he did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had 10 riders. The fourth was disappointed and said that he played badly with only two riders. The Pro was confounded by this term "rider" but not wanting to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the next time. He then approached Jerry the bartender and asked "Can you tell me what does this term' riders' mean?" He smiled and explained that a "rider" is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart.

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviouslymuch better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a' gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club memberswere amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100." What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeingup for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his handbetween my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling' Gotcha!' Have you evertried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second' gotcha'?"

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls. As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?" "Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"