Prospective Jokes / Recent Jokes
Subject: Prospective Employee Assessment
To: All Managers
The following guidelines shall be used when hiring new personnel.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad more...
The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary. After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man. The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary. After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go more...
What does Bill say to prospective interns?"Haven't I cum across your face before?"
Dearest girl:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in
love with you since Tuesday the 17th of August 1999
with reference to the meeting held between us on the
17th of august 1999 at 15. 00 hours.
I would like to present myself as a prospective
lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a
period of 3 months and depending on the compatibility
would be permanent. Of course upon completion of
probation, there will be continuous on the
relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion
from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us. Later
based on your performance, I might take up the larger
share of the expenses. However I am broad minded
enough to be taken care of on your expenses account. I
request you to kindly respond within 30 days of
receiving the letter-failing which, this offer would
be cancelled more...
Aware of his prospective father-in-law's flair for sarcasm, the young groom-to-be was nervous over the prospect of asking for his daughter's hand. Summoning the necessary courage, he approached the girl's father and, with the utmost politeness, asked, "May I have your daughter for my wife?"
"I don't know," came the reply. "Bring your wife around and I'll let you know."