Pumpkin Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.
Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.
Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.
Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.
Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.
Nicholas - White and more...
a plane was flyin buy and one guy drops an apple and it hits a brunette guy and the guy on the plane lands where the brunette guy is and asks him "why are you crying?" and the brunette guy goes " an apple hit me on my head" then the second guy in the plane throwse a pumpkin down on a red head.. he lands where the red head is and asks " why are you crying?" and the red head goes "a pumpkin hit me on my head" and then the third guy throws a bomb down into a house with a blonde head he lands where a house is blown up. he asks the blonde head why he is laughing and the blonde head tells him "i farted and the house blew up"
Cinderella wanted desperately to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother refused to allow her to go.
As Cinderella sat crying in the garden, her Fairy Godmother appeared and promised to provide her with everything she needed to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First," said the Fairy Godmother, "you must agree to wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agreed and asked what the second condition was.
"You must be home by midnight. Any later and your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin," the Godmother said. Cinderella agreed that she would be home on time.
The appointed hour came and went and Cinderella wasn't home. Finally, at 3:00 am, Cinderella arrived home looking love struck and very 'satisfied'.
"Where have you been?" demanded the Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a Prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything," replied a beaming more...
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As
Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises
to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on
two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a
pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2. The appointed hour comes and goes, and
Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother, "Your diaphragm was supposed
to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?"
"I more...
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!
FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS
AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9. 75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.
THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE' 50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world. WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN - FROST FREE! FROZEN SOFT + GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS + BOX SPRING - $175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER + DRYER - $300. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.