Pumpkin Jokes / Recent Jokes

The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid. The fairy godmother says, "I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!""Anything, " says Cinderella, "anything!""Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2: 00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin," says the fairy godmother. So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2: 00AM, 3: 00, 4: 00, 5: 00 and Cinderella's still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella's appearence... no pumpkin! The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power. Then Cinderella replies, "Peter, Peter something or other?"

peter peter pumpkin eater had a wife
loved to beat her. Smacked her twice
across the head, fucked her ass and went
to bed.

I notice that everyone uses pictures on this site so I thought I'd give it a shot--

This is a pumpkin patch.

The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.
The fairy godmother says, "I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!"
"Anything, " says Cinderella, "anything!"
"Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin," says the fairy godmother.
So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella's still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella's appearence... no pumpkin!
The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.
Then Cinderella replies, "Peter, Peter something or other?"

The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.The fairy godmother says, "I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!""Anything, " says Cinderella, "anything!""Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin," says the fairy godmother.So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella's still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella's appearence... no pumpkin! The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.Then Cinderella replies, "Peter, Peter something or other?"

One day a young man and his wife were invited to visit an elderly couple for dinner. The elderly couple had been married for about 60 years, and seemed to love each other very much. The husband would always address his wife as honey, pumpkin, etc. When the two women disappeared to the kitchen the younger man asked the elderly man, "How do you manage to keep calling your wife honey and stuff after being married for so long?" The man blushed as he looked away for a moment, then turned back to the young man and relpied, "I forgot her name ten years ago."

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
Whirlpool built in oven - frost free!
Frozen soft & gentle bath tissue - 4 rolls 99 cents
American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100
Tired of working for only $9. 75 per hour? we offer profit sharing and flexible hours. starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
Notice: To person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near southridge storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vincinity are dead.
The most romantic love songs of the ’50s: including “16 tons” by tennessee ernie ford
Exercise equipment queen size mattress & box spring - $175.
Our sofa seats the whole mob - and it’s made of 100% italian leather.
Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer - $300.
Found: dirty white dog…looks like a rat…been out awhile… better be a reward.